"As you can see, the fin de siècle…"
Eventually I slip away from
the tour group
and wander out into the castle courtyard.
The grounds have not been tended
for years –
Ninety minus forty-five years, exactly.
I take
out a cigarette, because I am learning
to be European. A plume of
smoke says,
"I have never been so lonely,"
but in fact I was much
lonelier, once,
on the tenth floor and I did not jump then.
My
heart is harder now; burned to brittle.
I have a great deal less to
lose.
From the balcony above me a girl is crying
and her mother's
clenched voice scolds,
"Stop this instant or I'll give you something
to cry about."
tuckova 
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