tuckova

 It may be yet a while before I can type with my eyes open again. There is this feeling of needing to talk in the dark, still. Of slumber parties, whispers, things we say only into the night. How everything looks so pointillist, which is not the same as pointless.

I was in Maryland for a few days at a Family Thing. My aunt turned 80. She was celebrated by family and friends, people getting choked up talking about their love for her, sharing memories. I don't plan to make it to 80 and I'm not a pillar of the community now so it is unlikely I will become one. So I don't have to wish for a party where we raise our glasses and remember the crooked porch, the rugged determination, the practical jokes that passed the time. Hush puppies and potato salad and fried chicken. I did think it was pretty cool that my aunt had that party, though. And that she turned 80, and that we all got to be there for that.

My sister reminds me over and over what it is like to laugh really hard. She is serious about making up new lyrics on the fly, and it is nice to revel in her talent. Also my cousins regularly surprise me with how just straight-up awesome they are. Also crab cakes are pretty incredible. It occurs to me that the food of my youth is remarkably similar to the food of Czech pubs, both the color and texture and the ingredients. Fried things with cheese. No wonder that even while my California sensibility winces at the absence of vegetables my shriveled little heart still knows when it's home.

I came home to a list of things to do about a mile long, a determination to make up for lost time, and the usual jet lethargy. Yesterday I unpacked and did all the laundry, which seemed promising, and then I slept 10 hours, which also seemed a step in the right direction. But then today I mainly ate a plate of cookies that Squire and his pals made while I was gone and wandered from room to room touching things to be sure they're there. I did maybe half of the work I was supposed to do. I'm convinced that tomorrow is another day, though, with no mistakes in it yet. And there are still two macaroons on the plate.