1. i had to look up what dhmo was and then i laughed long and heartily.
i am not clever enough to actually get the joke on my own but i am geek
enough to look things up and then have a little snicker as if i had
been that smart all along. i suspect that my father, who got saline
solution
for me in japan by writing down NaCI (which was a lot more effective
than gaijin sign language), is disappointed that i still have to look
things like this up, much like using a calculator to add two and two.
2. we have moles all over the damn yard. dirty, nasty, stinking moleses, i hates them, precious. i’m
planning on growing my own ricin to eliminate them. i want to start
carrying a cane dipped in ricin; don’t you? but we’re in the store
arguing the values of ricin vs. regular toxins vs. some magical humming
thing that drives moles to madness and i grab a bottle of poison and
Friar Tuck goes, that’s rodent poison, and i’m like, right! i thought my joke
with the ricin and the cane makes me all brill but then i didn’t know a
mole was not a rodent so ha.
3. i am losing words at an alarming rate and do not seem to be gaining
any. i still need to spellcheck occasional every time i use it and
often just type over it with periodic, the same as my solution with
received/got, and i have recently added history and comprehend to the
list of words i now have to look up before i’m absolutely sure they’re
right. history. hisstory? hishtory? gobbledygook.
4. i spent probably an hour today reviewing the columbus mythology.
after a while you start wondering if you know anything; if you ever
knew anything. if there’s any space in your brain at all for actual
knowledge, because the facts all slide out like water. whether all the
time you spent arguing for truth, defending the importance of truth,
placing the value of truth over that of the story, wouldn’t have been
better off arguing in favor of the narrative, which has tentacles and a
spine.
5. last night i was trying to figure out why so many of my otherwise terribly smart friends seem
so darned indecisive. why so much of my inner conversation involves me
nearly screeching, JUST DO IT. i think that the reason is that when
less bright people take tests and don’t know the answer, they’re happy
to apply an "eenie-meenie" strategy to picking the answer. they don’t
know; they’re not going to know; they’ll make a guess and go on to the
next question. when playing at buridan’s ass, they will flip a coin and
start eating. but rational people feel sure one answer is right, or
more right. they’re not so much indecisive as they are waiting for the
decision to reveal itself; they’re waiting for appropriate information
so that they can make an appropriate choice. and i get angry, because
it seems to me that they are making a choice, and that choice is
"starving", but i have to remember that i have aced many tests in my
life not by using the superior intellect that i do not have, but by
thinking like a lucky monkey. smart like a paper cut.
6. i got some really good ice cream sauce for christmas but ice cream
seems very special occasion event to me, definitely not something we stock,
so we’re totally doling out the sauce in little doses. except today
because i am sad i am eating the sauce straight from the jar in giant
globbing spoonfuls.
tuckova 
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