tuckova

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Interests: Alfons Mucha, Archibald Leach, big words, Bob Hicok, Brian Eno, Cat Power, Charles Bukowski, Charlotte Masaryk, cheese, clarity, dark chocolate, David Byrne, David Foster Wallace, Dorothy Parker, Douglas Adams, Edna St. Vincent Millay, E.E. Cummings, Frank O’Hara, Fred Rogers, garlic, Gaudi, Gertrude Stein, ginger, Gustav Klimt, Iva Pekarkova, Jane Austen, Jaromir Nohavica, Jeanette Winterson, Josef Skvorecky, Joseph Campbell, Joss Whedon, Just a Minute, Kate Bush, Kurt Vonnegut, laughing until it hurts, Laurie Anderson, Leonard Cohen, little kids singing, Lloyd Alexander, mandarin oranges, making lists, Margaret Atwood, Miss Manners, New Yorker, Paul Simon, performance, P.G. Wodehouse, poetry, Rebecca Solnit, Rob Brezsny, Robert Anton Wilson, Robert Creeley, salt, Salvador Dali, secrets, silence, Star Trek, Stephen Dunn, Talking Heads, Terry Gilliam, things that stain, This American Life, Tom Waits, T.S. Eliot, vegetable juice, veiled cultural references, vinegar, water, wine, W.H. Auden

Bigger

Possibly because it is right in front of you is why you didn’t see it.
Possibly it has been staring you in the face for so long that you got
used to overlooking its gaze. Possibly you didn’t want to see it but
that isn’t like you. And then also: Possibly it isn’t there at all and
you didn’t conjure it OUT of existence so much as you are conjuring it
INTO existence now.

So many things are possible.

And maybe it doesn’t come down to this one thing at all; maybe it’s a
bunch of little things adding into this tower of toppling horror. In
which case instead of standing there all bravely confronting what you
see, your time would be better spent taking apart the pieces, sorting
them into piles like you used to do with Legos. Not everybody has to be
a builder and especially you don’t have to build this up into a giant
scary thing. Sometimes it’s time to put the toys away; sometimes it’s
okay to say it’s this one little thing and that one little thing and
this thing and that thing and they don’t have to turn into something
bigger than you can solve.

There is not really a box big enough for all these things.

It is not good that this is happening but it is important to remember
that it is not happening to you just because you’re there for it. You
can realize it’s not about you. You can realize it’s not about anything
in fact. You can realize that flipping out was never your strong suit.
What are you good at? What are you good for? You can spend some time
reflecting on those strengths. What’s not up for debate is that you’ll
need them.

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