tuckova

ideas, old gossip, oddments of all things

"As you can see, the fin de siècle…"
Eventually I slip away from
the tour group
and wander out into the castle courtyard.
The grounds have not been tended
for years –
Ninety minus forty-five years, exactly.

I take
out a cigarette, because I am learning
to be European. A plume of
smoke says,
"I have never been so lonely,"
but in fact I was much
lonelier, once,
on the tenth floor and I did not jump then.

My
heart is harder now; burned to brittle.
I have a great deal less to
lose.
From the balcony above me a girl is crying
and her mother's
clenched voice scolds,
"Stop this instant or I'll give you something
to cry about."

Posted in

3 responses to “last time”

  1. ozma Avatar
    ozma

    Is that you, with the burned brittle heart?
    I hate that a mother would say that. I may fail as a mother in many ways but I never say that.

    Like

  2. tuckova Avatar

    O – It’s a mash-up and distortion, but basically it’s me. I thought I was as emotionally burned as I could be when I got here, and spent a lot of time smoking cigarettes in untended gardens, castle and otherwise.
    I heard that sentence more than once in a pediatric cancer ward. I understand parenting stress and pain but I can’t imagine being driven to that anger.

    Like

  3. baresytapas Avatar

    I came to this blog by accident, but I found very interesting. Greetings to all who visit here.

    Like

Leave a reply to baresytapas Cancel reply