tuckova

it is no harder to walk across the highwire without a safety net. it is
no harder to fix in your mind the opposite pole, the goal; to powder your
hands and feet in preparation; to hold the bar that maintains your balance;
to tighten your muscles just so; to walk to the opposite side. it does not
become more challenging to do this without the safety net. the audience
may be impressed, may gasp, although more likely you are the only one
in the whole circus really impressed, because you’re maybe the only
one aware that you are going to have just as hard a time with the net
or without. your job is to get across, not to fall, and so the safety
net in fact is not a part of your equation. it is not, as you told your
friend the other night, a character in your book.

so the safety net really isn’t important. what’s important is getting
across. what’s important to you is getting across with style, elegance,
charm — any adjective that would describe a film star from the
forties.
you do know a lot of it is in the presentation, though: cary grant’s
whole thing was a facade, but that’s not the same thing as fake. you
drop the chalk bag over the edge of the platform.
everyone watches it fall, as quickly slow motion as a car crash. you did
this on purpose. that is style, and you’ve got it. and you powdered
your hands as you fumbled for the bag, which is going to help you hold the bar on the way across.

"elegance" you think to yourself as you slide a confident arch off the
ledge of the platform and onto the wire. you picture your body, your
center of gravity balanced over the wire, take the next step, smile.
the balance is important. people think the bar makes things harder for
you but in fact sometimes it’s zooey’s cigar, the only thing that’s
keeping you from flying straight off. it gives you something to concentrate on.

"charm" is important too, a certain interaction with the audience but
not too aggressive; you want to be liked, you would like to be loved,
but above all you need to get across the wire. you don’t have to spend
time in the middle juggling or dancing unless you think it will be fun.
this is your choice. however there is a certain charm in propping up,
cooking an omelet, taking your time. you have worked hard, you’re
strong, and you’re not afraid.
you can look straight down at the ground where there is no safety net;
a few elephants milling about; some kids with open mouths.

some decisions are in your hands. some are not. whether to use tools,
whether to juggle, whether you want a slackline or a taut are all up to
you. you will have to step off the platform. you’ve done this before
and you can do it again. remember that you have to make it across.
remember too, though, that if you make it across without having fun,
it’s worse than falling. if you fall there are worse things at stake
than whether there’s a safety net.