tuckova

stately plump anne tuckova
i’ve
been not terribly happy with myself lately and the rainy weather early
this month was a factor but not a cause. it’s better now, getting
better, but i was ripped with conflict between a need for drastic
change
and an equally dramatic unwillingness to act. i gave bartleby a run for
his title in my absolute disinclinations; if you
could win a race by taking steps away, i would have won.

came from the stairhead
winning
by distraction, by making games for myself in which getting
one
thing done counts as success. on advice i went hunting for wellingtons
but failed and so decided to buy more socks, since my knee-high striped
socks last winter were the highlight of my personal sartorial
season. also you can gain and lose a lot of weight before your socks
don’t fit. i went to a sock store, by which i mean a store entirely
devoted to socks, in which they had no knee-high striped socks, no
knee-high solid-colored socks in my size, also no striped
ankle socks in my size, and then i gave up asking what else wasn’t
behind the counter and came home and threw out all the socks that were
holey, or vaguely frayed or even vaguely ugly, anyway, so that if i
ever find
socks i won’t hesitate to buy them. then i gave away or recycled all
the clothes until i had it down to two boxes. the balloon has to get
off the ground first, and then you can see where you’re going.

bearing a bowl of lather
i am working on being the person i want to be, a person who splashes in
puddles instead of weeps into them, a person who looks for the rainbow,
a person who smiles randomly. friday i was snapping my fingers in
rhythm with my footsteps and i thought: as with everything, it’s just a matter of continuing to pick up one foot and move it
forward.

a mirror and a razor lay crossed
i
got offered a job teaching the graduating class at a high school (two
hours a week). i used to be a good teacher but some years ago i tanked
hard and decided my mojo was gone forever. it may be, but the school
needs a teacher. i don’t ever want to return to teaching full-time,
even part-time is too much, but i need, i think, to start scouting
schools in person (on behalf of squire) and this is one way. also i
always liked 12th graders. also i think being forced to put on shoes
(with socks! must go hunting before next week!) once a week for two
hours will probably be good for me.