The boomerang is one of the coolest toys ever. Part of the reason that
the boomerang is a cool toy is that it wasn’t originally a toy but a tool.  Not a
tool like that guy you dated in college but a real tool, I mean one
that was good for something. A boomerang went out and killed your
dinner, which I have just confirmed is true because I looked it up. The
European ones apparently weren’t meant to come back to you which is
sort of not all that surprising but that’s not what I’m talking about.

So boomerangs are cool, they’re sort of exotic and foreign but not
entirely unfamiliar. They go and out do things for you. They can bring home
the bacon and they also, apparently, play music if you know how to hold
them right. They’re not exactly doing those things FOR YOU because
they’re not servants, you know. They do what they do because it’s their
nature. You send them out and they do what they were made to do and I
guess you could say that basketballs were made to go through hoops but
if you don’t think a boomerang is cooler than a basketball then I don’t
even know why we’re talking. A boomerang is a kerjillion times cooler
than any ball that you bounce, throw, or pass, and it’s even cooler
than a weapon that’s just a weapon because a knife only wants to cut
stuff including your fingers if you aren’t careful but a boomerang can
hang out in the field with you on a lazy windless day going out and
back, like a hawk without jesses.

I want to use words like elegant and sleek but in a way these fall
flat. Of course you can get some cheap plastic thing but we are people
of taste and plastic offends us so let’s talk about real boomerangs,
old school. They are so beautiful to touch, to run your finger along
that edge and know that this curve here, where all you want to do is
touch it, run your finger along how smooth it is and this thing that
you can barely stand to stop touching is the very thing that will make
it come back to you. I mean, if you throw it right.

And of course boomerangs come back if you throw them right, if you’re
not a big disgrace to the Aborigine race. The boomerang wants to come
back to you. It wants to rest in your hand again, to feel that it’s
gone forth and done what it was meant to do and now your lovely long
fingers are running along that curve again and that was so good, that
freedom going forth and that arc of longing and that return home.

But maybe you are too afraid the boomerang won’t come back. Maybe
you’re not ready for boomerangs. Maybe you should start with yo-yos,
you know. Something with strings attached.